Frequently asked questions
Safety
Q. Is it safe to write an incarcerated person?
A. This very common question is often tied up with stereotypes about who goes to prison. Many people believe people who go to prison are especially dangerous and will continue being violent. We don’t claim incarcerated people are all saints, but many are average people who were given only a few bad choices to pick from. They made a mistake they are unlikely to repeat-- or, more often than we like to believe, they are innocent and caught up in a corrupt system, something more likely to be true for BIPOC, LGTBQIA2S+ people, poor people, and other already vulnerable groups.
The truth is, most people who commit violence are people the victim knew, and most people who seriously harm others do not go to prison. Imagining that prison is a dangerous place for people on the outside obscures and validates the violence going on for people actually on the inside.
A. This very common question is often tied up with stereotypes about who goes to prison. Many people believe people who go to prison are especially dangerous and will continue being violent. We don’t claim incarcerated people are all saints, but many are average people who were given only a few bad choices to pick from. They made a mistake they are unlikely to repeat-- or, more often than we like to believe, they are innocent and caught up in a corrupt system, something more likely to be true for BIPOC, LGTBQIA2S+ people, poor people, and other already vulnerable groups.
The truth is, most people who commit violence are people the victim knew, and most people who seriously harm others do not go to prison. Imagining that prison is a dangerous place for people on the outside obscures and validates the violence going on for people actually on the inside.
Q. I have a unique name and am afraid of my pen-pal googling me and learning personal info before I'm ready. Should I use a fake name?
A. Incarcerated people do not have access to the Internet. They are not able to find information about you that you do not supply. Occasionally incarcerated people have an illegal cellphone or friends on the outside who can Google you, but this isn't common. You may use a pseudonym, but keep in mind how this can affect trust in a relationship. Also remember that you know this person's full legal name and can use it against them by Googling their conviction, which will almost definitely contain the most sensationalistic version of the the worst time of their life. We ask you do not do this, just like your pen-pal will not Google you.
If you have a legitimate concern about the prison system knowing who you are, you may want to use a pseudonym.
A. Incarcerated people do not have access to the Internet. They are not able to find information about you that you do not supply. Occasionally incarcerated people have an illegal cellphone or friends on the outside who can Google you, but this isn't common. You may use a pseudonym, but keep in mind how this can affect trust in a relationship. Also remember that you know this person's full legal name and can use it against them by Googling their conviction, which will almost definitely contain the most sensationalistic version of the the worst time of their life. We ask you do not do this, just like your pen-pal will not Google you.
If you have a legitimate concern about the prison system knowing who you are, you may want to use a pseudonym.
Q. Should I use my real home address?
A. We recommend outside pen-pals use a mailing address they check frequently. For most people, this is their home address. This can be an uncomfortable idea for some people. Here are a few things we ask you to consider when deciding whether to use your address:
-You know exactly where your pen-pal is. You know a person's address, and sometimes even their unit, cell number, or if they are on the top or bottom bunk.
-They can't leave there. Escape is extremely rare
-We do not know of any cases of harassment or other harm where someone went to a pen-pal's mailing address when free
-Using your real address is a signal of trust that can be meaningful to an incarcerated person
For some people (or those they live with), trust comes later. If you've thought about it and you can't share your address, reach out and we can offer an alternative. You can also consider using free emessages so you don't have to provide an address at all.
If mail becomes excessive or unwanted, an outside person always has the option of recycling mail unread.
A. We recommend outside pen-pals use a mailing address they check frequently. For most people, this is their home address. This can be an uncomfortable idea for some people. Here are a few things we ask you to consider when deciding whether to use your address:
-You know exactly where your pen-pal is. You know a person's address, and sometimes even their unit, cell number, or if they are on the top or bottom bunk.
-They can't leave there. Escape is extremely rare
-We do not know of any cases of harassment or other harm where someone went to a pen-pal's mailing address when free
-Using your real address is a signal of trust that can be meaningful to an incarcerated person
For some people (or those they live with), trust comes later. If you've thought about it and you can't share your address, reach out and we can offer an alternative. You can also consider using free emessages so you don't have to provide an address at all.
If mail becomes excessive or unwanted, an outside person always has the option of recycling mail unread.
Finding a pen-pal
Q. I'm sensitive to X charges. Can you tell me if a potential pen-pal is convicted of that? / Do you filter out certain convictions?
A. Many abolitionists are survivors of violence or other transgressions so we know some charges can hit too close to home, or be too difficult for other reasons. If you don't have a personal connection to a charge, as abolitionists we ask you to consider where your resistance to a charge comes from, and if it's something that you can work through with someone you are physically safe from. If it's not, we believe you and you don't need to justify it. You can tell us what charges to watch out for when you sign up for your selected pen-pal and we'll let you know if we see a conflict. Keep in mind though, we do not know most people's convictions, and we do not Google them. We ask you do not Google our members, either.
A. Many abolitionists are survivors of violence or other transgressions so we know some charges can hit too close to home, or be too difficult for other reasons. If you don't have a personal connection to a charge, as abolitionists we ask you to consider where your resistance to a charge comes from, and if it's something that you can work through with someone you are physically safe from. If it's not, we believe you and you don't need to justify it. You can tell us what charges to watch out for when you sign up for your selected pen-pal and we'll let you know if we see a conflict. Keep in mind though, we do not know most people's convictions, and we do not Google them. We ask you do not Google our members, either.
Q. I know I want to write someone with X characteristic. How can I find someone?
A. On the member page, scroll below the full list to members by category. This highlights some of the most requested and most vulnerable demographic groups.
A. On the member page, scroll below the full list to members by category. This highlights some of the most requested and most vulnerable demographic groups.
Q. Why do you put people with X charge on your list?
A. As abolitionists, we believe that people who have committed grievous harm can and do change. It's not an easy process to look at what caused to you to commit harm and take responsibility to change. Convictions never tell the full story. Convictions are not always correct, nor obtained legally. We believe punishment is not the same as justice, and regardless of what someone has done, there are better ways to respond than disappearing them to death by incarceration. Please see above if you cannot write someone with specific charges.
A. As abolitionists, we believe that people who have committed grievous harm can and do change. It's not an easy process to look at what caused to you to commit harm and take responsibility to change. Convictions never tell the full story. Convictions are not always correct, nor obtained legally. We believe punishment is not the same as justice, and regardless of what someone has done, there are better ways to respond than disappearing them to death by incarceration. Please see above if you cannot write someone with specific charges.
Communication
Q. What are the different ways to communicate?
A. You can talk by snail mail, Corrlinks emessages, phone, video visits, or in-person visits. You can learn more about all these methods here.
A. You can talk by snail mail, Corrlinks emessages, phone, video visits, or in-person visits. You can learn more about all these methods here.
Q. I'm not sure what to say. How do I talk to someone living a very different life than me?
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